Nowadays, I am a very confused individual. Once upon a time, I used to be a diehard optimist. Then, like all good things, that phase came to an end, and I became a borderline pessimist. Being restless, and in a new job, soon, that changed to an opportunist. However, now I am completely at sea - none of the labels suit me any more. Is it me, or, is it the world?
When I see my friends slowly becoming polarized to one or the other line-of-thought, I introspect and find myself in neither. Somewhere, something, tells me I have a difference of opinion, which might lead to being branded xyz by people who do not understand the fine line between performance and excellence. Hence, I am confused. If you don't understand how society would accept you, you are bound to be confused.
Or, is it me? The tremors and the turbulence of the last five years and the ensuing trauma? Did that change me? Is it the age catching up? Or, the realisation that there are many things which I could have done and not planned to do in the future? Is it the worry of becoming 'commonplace', which I abhorred throughout my life? Or is it my own reluctance to 'fall in line'?
Whatever it might be, I am really confused! As long as the labels of success seem new, you don't bother about these things. The moment you find that you have lived through these labels, it comes back to bite you. At times, you want to break free of the self-imposed shackles of being exemplary and disciplined and different, but, years of adamancy don't melt away so easily.
So, I am in this state. Titillating, trying to judge, find a solution, but, ending up nowhere. So, for the moment, let's be an escapist and blame it on the entropy of the system. The world is changing, more people are trying to see what can happen by just being BAD. If it doesn't harm him, how would it harm me??? When would that experiment lead to a result? I don't know!!!
